In Your Ear

By Hawkeye Z Hoerr

What item would inform people living in 2276 about what life is like today? That’s not an idle question (unlike most of those posed by Hawkeye). You see, a group overseeing the celebration of our country’s 250^th anniversary is preparing a time capsule to be opened at our country’s 500^th birthday in 2276. How cool is that?

Truly, Hazel, I am not making this up! I learned about this in a February 27 New York Times article, “Creating a Time Capsule, Because 2276 Will Arrive Soon Enough.” (You can read thearticle here: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/26/arts/time-capsule-america-250.html?searchResultPosition=1.) The article notes that the time capsule will be stainless steel and about three feet tall with small compartments for each of our country’s 56 states and territories. The good news is that the space is way too small for a MAGA hat. The capsule is going to be sealed and buried in Pennsylvania on July 4, 2026, near Independence Hall. It’s very hard for congress to come together on anything substantive, so I was a bit surprised to read that they did this based on a recommendation by the 2016 nonpartisan Semiquincentennial Commission. Yeah, semiquincentennial. What a killer that word would be in Scrabble! Realistically, despite how intriguing this idea is, perhaps the fact that congress could agree on it means that it isn’t substantive after all. Oh well. It wouldn’t be the first non-substantive idea that is a big deal. Think of the Laz-E Boy Recliner that vibrated and had a built-in television.

The tiny, information-laden time capsule will be opened on July 4, 2276. Two-hundred and fifty years is a long time, even for Bernie Sanders. What might be the condition of our planet by then? Will someone be reading In Your Ear written by Hawkeye XIIX on Mars? Might the U.S. capital be in Nuuk, Greenland instead of D.C.? Will the Rams have moved back to St. Louis? Will we know that AI has turned us into bots? Will we care?

Looking two hundred and fifty years into the future is mind-boggling, much more difficult than looking at two-fifty in the past. I mean, history is, well, it’s history. We know what happened in general, but the specifics are still quite interesting. Surely someone buried a time capsule in 1776, right? I mean, it’s not like they had much else on their minds. Even as I write, researchers are looking for that old capsule. We know that its space would be limited so no bald eagle, although maybe a feather/quill would be included. There would probably be a silver spoon made by Paul Revere, a musket ball, a star sewn by Betsy Ross, maybe one of George’s false wooden teeth, and a snuff box. Gesundheit! Paper cannot last that long so Ben Franklin’s almanac would have deteriorated as would the U.S. Constitution. (Alas, an apt metaphor to today’s situation.) But what might be in that 1776 capsule that wasn’t related to the founding of America? An old ceegar, a church bell? A tricorn hat? Who decided what was included?

OK, dear reader, here’s where it gets really interesting. Not to be shared, but I have a good friend on that whatchamacallit Commission, and he loves to read In Your Ear. Yes, that’s why he’s a good friend. He’s such a good buddy that he has secured space for me to submit TWO objects! You read that right! I can include two 2026 somethings into the capsule that will be buried in PA and opened in two hundred and fifty years.

I’ve been mulling over what to include. Should it be something that reflects the U.S.A.? What about an object unique to St. Louis? Or maybe a personal item that speaks to Hawkeye? What captures today’s culture? Semi-small it must be but otherwise it’s up to me. I will choose my one item and now on to YOU.

Yes, dear reader, as a thanks for your loyal support, I AM GOING TO LET YOU PICK THE OTHER OBJECT TO GO INTO THE 2276 TIME CAPSULE. That’s right: a part of you will be there even though you’ll long be gone. What message can you send to 2276? Noodle on it bit and then send Hawkeye an email at trhoerr@aol.com and tell him what artifact you’d like to include in the capsule.